Been around before but still worth a chuckle ..........…..
How do court stenographers keep a straight face?
>
> These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things
> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published
> by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the
> exchanges were taking place.
>
>
> _______________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> WITNESS: July 18th.
> ATTORNEY: What year?
> WITNESS: Every year.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
>
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Getting laid
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a
> new attorney?
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
> to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
> performed on dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
>
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
> did you attend?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________________
Lawyer Dodges Bullets
William Striler said he pulled a revolver from his coat and fired six shots at attorney Gerry Curry, 53 ito express his dissatisfaction in Curry's handling of his case. The victim ducked behind a small tree to avoid being shot, but was struck multiple times. In the end, Curry made a complete recovery.
Click here to watch this video
http://www.nidokidos.org/threads/244515
Posted by: Saville Express International <yourfriend.chukki@gmail.com>
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